I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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