you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
