I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
