my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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