Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think I am morally bankrupt
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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