Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
