Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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