And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
