I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
