youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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