I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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