if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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