i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
