you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
