Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
