So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
