Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
