is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
