While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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