I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
