I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
