i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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