He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
