Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
