i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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