At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
