So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
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I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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