Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Can I color on your dick again?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
