So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
