I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
