i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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