he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
