I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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