I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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