Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
