She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
