You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
