i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
