i need an iv and a liver transplant
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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