Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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