he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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