when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
