Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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