Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
