So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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