Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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