So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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