OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
