OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
