I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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