that's an acceptable place to lick
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
