Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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