dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
