I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
