Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
