Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
