Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
