so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
