Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize