I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She said her name was "party"
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
