i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
