I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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